


i wanna know

by e_is_better_than_a



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, M/M, Song fic, heartbroken joe mazzello, media is dumb, my first fic so good luck, they broke up, they figure it out tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 03:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17820758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_is_better_than_a/pseuds/e_is_better_than_a
Summary: nope, i thought, not thinking about that. not thinking about him. but i couldn’t not. he was everywhere i looked. when i had woken up this morning, there was a headline -“British heart-throb Ben Hardy spotted on the streets of London with a mystery girl”





	i wanna know

**Author's Note:**

> heyo, this is my first fic or anything so give me some help! i made this because the tag was d r y and i needed something to do. also bc i heard this song and all i could think about are these boys so here we are. 
> 
> enjoy!

“oh come on!” i yelled at the tv. i had switched on a random channel while eating dinner to keep myself entertained. it was some god-awful soap opera. the main character (kenna?) was in the process of cheating on her fiance with some douchebag who  _ was definitely not worth it if we’re being honest. _ whatever was left of my chinese take-out has long since gone cold and would be less than pleasurable to eat. the plot was easy enough to pick up on, and simple to follow. easy to leave and easy to come back to. 

  


i glanced at the clock, just to make sure it wasn’t too late. i need to get some sleep before meeting rami and lucy tomorrow. they were coming to new york for a few days to visit me and meet each other before having to go their separate ways.

  


“kenna, how could you?” i said out loud into the empty of my apartment. i sipped my now warm beer and tried my best to pay attention to the show, but my mind wandered.

  
  


_ “oh that’s the  _ **_wrong_ ** _ choice, love.” ben said with a chuckle. mary had just run out into the pouring rain to chase her ‘true love’. i let out a slight giggle at ben’s cometary. we were cuddled up on ben’s couch in london, enjoying each other’s warmth and company. it felt like forever since we had been like this; one wrapped up in the other, the top of his head pressed into my neck and my arm pulling him as close as possible. he couldn’t be close enough. _

  


**nope** , i thought,  **not thinking about that. not thinking about him.** but i couldn’t not. he was everywhere i looked. when i had woken up this morning, there was a headline - 

  


_ “British heart-throb Ben Hardy spotted on the streets of London with a mystery girl” _

  


i knew that it was probably nothing. news outlets make shit up all the time.  **_but what if this time it’s true?_ ** and that was a thought i couldn’t entertain. we had been broken up for a month. he couldn’t have found someone new in that time. could he?

  


i huffed.  **i thought i wasn’t thinking about this.**

  


_ it was dark, but the yellow streetlights flooded through my windows. we were dancing. badly. it was to some random playlist that ben listened to. he had pulled me to a more open space, my living room rather than my cramped kitchen. we giggled and laughed at the other as our not-so-sober bodies moved to what we thought was the beat.  _

_ then a slower song came on. our giggles turned to soft smiles as i pulled ben close to me. i wrapped my arms around his waist and his arms came around my neck. we swayed to the soft music and rested our foreheads together.  _

_ : _ _ does she move your body? like I moved your body? 'cause i wanna know, yeah, i wanna know _ _ : _

_ i could feel his warm puffs of air on my lips. he was right there. this time, we had been apart 2 weeks but it had felt like months. instead of saying anything, i gently pressed out lips together. we stood like that until we had to take a breath. i wish that moment never ended. i wish  _ **_we_ ** _ never ended. _

  


“but kenna, i love you!”

  


i was startled out of my reminiscing by the yell of kenna’s lover. she must’ve chosen her fiance.

  
  
  
  


\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
  
  


“alright, what’s wrong?” rami said. we were alone in my apartment a few hours before we needed to pick up lucy. 

  


“what do you mean? i’m fine.”

  


“joe, i’ve known you for 10 years. i know when somethings wrong.” rami’s kind eyes searched for something to give away my true feelings. he had known about ben and i. he had figured it out on his own. well, with some help from lucy. he was the one i had called up on that night, crying my eyes out.

  


_ “rami, h-he said that it was his fault, not mine! that there was nothing i could have done! he took it right from the book.” i sobbed, trying to make sense of what had just happened.  _

  


_ “joe, slow down. it’s alright, just tell me what happened, okay? start from the beginning.” _

  


_ so i told him. how ben had come to new york, knocked on my door, and walked in. there was no kiss as he came in, no warm smile, and most noticeably, no luggage. he told me we needed to talk. then i told rami how he broke my heart. and then he left. _

  


_ “and i’m not even mad at him,” i whimpered into the receiver. _

  


“it’s just…” i start, but i can’t finish. it sounds so dumb in my head;  **there’s this headline about ben and how he’s got a girlfriend and how did he move on that quick?**

  


“it’s ben isn’t it?”

  


“pfffft, no.”

  


“wow, you are a terrible liar, huh? how in the world did you become an actor?” rami teased, but there was a real meaning under it all. he knew i needed to talk to someone. and suddenly, at the slightest thought of a keen ear, i spilled everything.

  


“ok so there was this this picture of ben and this random girl, i don’t even know who, but it said that they were going through london together and … it sounded just as dumb as i thought it would.”

  


rami looked amused at my confession. “so you’re jealous?”

  


I crossed my arms and sat a little deeper into the couch. “we should go get lucy.”

  
  
  
  


\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
  
  
  


**alone again,** i thought as i arrived back at my still empty apartment. rami and lucy got a hotel room to stay in together for the next few days. they were falling for each other so hard, and it was adorable to watch.  **that’s what it must’ve been like to watch me and ben -** still not going there.

  


it was late. 3 am? all i wanted to do right now was collapse into bed and sleep for the next year. maybe drinks with the happy couple wasn’t the best idea?

  


i dallied through my place until i arrived at my closet. i shed all my clothes apart from my boxers, grabbed a random shirt and put it on. only after i pulled it on did i realize it was an old shirt ben kept here. 

  


it still smelled like him. 

  


_ :i'm tired of staying up all night with you on my mind still i'm laying here yeah, i'm laying in the shirt you used to like: _

  


i slipped into bed and through my buzzed state, the clearest picture of ben came to mind. we hadn’t talked one on one for a while. in our group chat, we made jokes like nothing happened, like he didn’t break my heart. then i started making a list:

  


**Things I Love About Ben Hardy**

****

  * ****his hair** **



****

  * **the way he smiles when he knows something you don’t**



********

  * **his face after you kiss him for no reason, and catch him off-guard**



********

  * **how soft his skin is after a shower**



********

  * **when his hair gets in his face and he tries to blow it away**



********

  * **his pout**



********

  * **that face he makes when he’s trying to scare you but it’s just adorable**



********

  * **everything**



****

  


then i fell asleep.

  
  
  
  


\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
  
  


the week after rami and lucy left began so, so normal. rami, lucy, gwyilm, ben, and i all had a video chat. it was one of the rare times where we all had at least an hour to do nothing and we took advantage. one by one, they all left. lucy first, then ben. he said something about catching lunch with an old friend.

  


“so just us then,” gwilym’s voice said.

  


“guess so.” rami answered.

  


“do you think it’s really an old friend?” i thought out loud. an honest mistake, but i  _ had _ to know.

  


gwil smiled and rami let out a breathy laugh. “still jealous, mazzello?”

  


“shut up malek.”

  


“yes, it is just a friend, she came down to visit for a few days.” gwil stated. “and ben’s going to be in new york next week too. he would probably love to see you.” 

  


i raised an eyebrow. “is he now? he didn’t say anything about it to me? and how do you know it’s just a friend?”

  


“joe, the girl, her name is juliette. her and ben have known each other since they were in diapers. and yes, he is going to new york. it must’ve slipped his mind.” if ben hardy was a category on jeopardy, gwil would have swept the whole thing.

  


“he wouldn’t want to see me. why is he really coming here?”

  


“maybe you should ask him when he gets there.” a sly smile stretched across rami’s lips. “i have to go, darlings! and joe, envy isn’t cute on anyone.” and with that, rami disappeared.

  


after some chit-chat with gwilym about anything and everything, he too had to go. i wished him well before i was forced back into the reality of the loud honks of rush hour and the normal city sounds.

  
  
  
  


\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
  
  


it was wednesday when there was a knock at my door. it was 7:15. i hadn’t changed from my sleeping attire all day because there was no reason to. i decided that opening the door in boxers may not be the best idea and quickly threw on a pair of sweatpants from the floor.

  


when i reached the door and flung it open, the last person i expected to see was standing in my doorway.

  


he was wearing comfy clothes. the ones you wear when you get on a plane. he had a small suitcase by his side and his face was neutral but his eyes were worried. we stood there, staring at each other, for a minute before i opened the door more and allowed him to pass. once he was through i closed the door and leaned against it. only then did i hold his gaze.

  


confusion was an understatement.  **fuck it, i need answers.**

  


“why are you here?”

  


he looked surprised i said something. like he hoped that he would get the first word.

  


“because i’m an idiot.”

  


well that was not what i was excpecting. “care to elaborate?”

  


“joe you know what i mean,” he whispered, looking down.

  


“oh, do you mean when you came all the way from england to tell me that you didn’t want a long distance relationship and broke up with me? or do you mean that you forgot to book a hotel and just hoped i would let you in?” i challenged. his head snapped up and his eyes flashed with hurt.

  


he took a deep breath. “i came to apologize. what i did was shitty and i’m so, so sorry. i was scared, joe. i still am,” he took another deep breath and held eye contact. “rami and gwil told me that you didn’t talk to them for days. that you shut down and wouldn’t pick up any calls.”

  


“it took you a month to say that? i’m not impressed.”

  


“what the fuck do you think i’m doing here joe? do you think i came all this way to have you criticize me?” ben was growing annoyed and he started to take a few steps forward.

  


“i have no idea why you’re here, honestly! why don’t you go back to juliette? she seems to make better company.” i spat back. we were getting closer and i was so, painfully aware of every inch.

  


“w-what are you even talking about?”

  


“your friend, the one who you were on the streets of london with. or the one you went to lunch with a few days ago,” i said casually.

  


“joe, do you really not have any idea why i came here?” his voice was soft, careful. 

  


“do i know why you do anything?” i scoffed.

  


there was a moment of quiet. i took a closer look at him. his eyes had dark circles under them, probably caused by his flight. his joggers and sweatshirt were normal, but there was a new pair of adidas sneakers on his feet.  **adding to his collection,** i thought and mentally rolled my eyes.

  


he took a few steps forward; slow enough so i could step back, end what he wouldn’t even have a chance to start. instead of stopping him, i let him invade my personal space, until there was only an inch, less, between our chests. this is what i’ve wanted for the past month, and it was  _ finally _ here.

  


“is she the one?” i whispered. my heart rate was through the roof and he was standing  _ so _ close. 

  


his volume matched mine, “you’re a fucking idiot.”

  


i furrowed my brow. what does that mean?

  


all he did was smile and say, “no, she’s not the one.”

  


**oh.**

  


he gently cupped my face with his hands. “can i kiss you?”

  


i nodded slowly. 

  


his lips met mine in the softest kiss i’ve ever had. he didn’t know how far to take it, or what to do. he probably didn’t think he would get this far. i just placed my hands on his hips and kissed him harder, i needed him to know that i want this just as much as he did. his hands slid from my cheek to around my neck. our lips moved in sync until we had to break apart for a breath. 

  


“i love you,” i whispered.

  


“i love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> okay that was a tad rough. its past midnight so i have to sleep but the song that inspired this I Wanna Know by NOTD ft. Bea Miller. have a good rest of the day ig!


End file.
